Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

I want to write, but I am still not sure what to write, I am unsure what to think about my mother passing, my friend's suicide is creeping back into my mind, but I am keeping it together.  Sad songs - I have learned to stay away from sad songs.

I guess I had the flu for several days, not sure how many.  Mark decided to basically vomit all of his issues with me all at once right when I told him I felt sick and was going to bed.  I told him it was not good timing, but he basically made me sit there and listen.  It was a big waste of time.  I know I sat there for awhile but what he said, I have very little idea.  I did not know at that time I was really sick.

I went to bed, and Mark said I was in bed for several days - 3 or 4.  Did he come check on me during any of that time?  No.  Did he help with Bailey, who was loyally by my side all of that time?  No.

Maybe that does not seem like a big deal, but I was totally out of it.  I do not know for sure, but I may have been waking up every 10-12 hours, and was so weak and unsteady.  During the short amount of time I was awake, I took care of any needs I had and that Bailey needed.  Then I fell back into bed and I guess passed out again.

All of the regular flu symptoms - painful body aches, weird, must have been feverish dreams, bad headache, etc.  I do not understand how he could just leave me like that.  And there was nothing to eat.

I have to move past that.

It's just there has been SO MUCH, so so much to deal with.  Yet I know I am lucky in that it could be so much worse.  There must be something I am missing - something I must be doing wrong.

Anyway, now I am starting to cry and that was not the objective.

The type of entertainer that is hardest on me when they pass is, of course, any type of musician that has had any type of impact on my life.  No doubt that is many people as well.  As soon as I heard George Michael had passed, I just could not believe it, and I know I am not alone.

The very first thing that came into my mind was the song that I always turned up and sang loudly in the car, or anywhere, was "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" (with Elton John of course).  Never meant as a happy song, but it was - it sounded happy.  I always sang George's part - he sang in the most fun way.

Right now, that seems like the saddest song, and I knew that right away.  Thank you George Michael - for such great music and memories since my young teenage years.  I always adored you, and you left us much, much too soon.

One day, I will be able to sing along again, I think, and be happy.

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