I was so sedated being on 100mg of Topomax that I cut the tablet in half and am now just taking 50mg. I need to text my psychiatrist and tell her that I have done that. I have a lot more energy now.
I told the ecommerce site yesterday that I wanted to close my shop. The orders were overwhelming, but I was so sedated I had gone for a few weeks without sending out a single one. But I was not making any profit either. I discussed it with Mark and he agreed with me. I need to keep my commitment though and finish my orders. 14, ugh. But then I am free.
They were nice and said to let them know if I ever wanted to reopen my shop and they would. They had originally written me because, of course, this is the second time I have gotten so behind and they wanted me to catch up and then I would be on 4 weeks probation. The probationary period would be taking orders but not collecting the funds until after the probationary period was over, although I could use the funds towards shipping, etc. That was okay, whatever, but thinking about being back in this situation just overwhelmed me. It still does.
I HATE it, I absolutely hate what I do now. I love creating things, I love making wreaths, I love making home decor, I love making things beautiful, being creative, all of it. I just hate schedules, deadlines, and especially working for free or losing money for my hard work, creativity and original designs. My wreaths sell so fast that I cannot catch up - I never even got a chance to play around and find the right mix to slow it all down. Raising prices over and over did not slow it down (although I should have kept doing that since I did not make any money, although I am to blame for that). The last time I only put a certain number of wreaths for sale, but then they ALL sold which I did not expect, and that was too many for me to make and I am just DONE to try again on that site.
There is another platform that I have sold on in the past and have done well, and I can use a completely different business model. I have started the process but need a freaking break!
I think Mark does not want me to do anything - make wreaths any more because it has been so expensive to us. He keeps saying "you know, you don't have to do anything if you don't want". Yes, I do. I need a PURPOSE. As soon as I told them I wanted to close my shop, I felt panic. What was my purpose? What was I doing? Just sitting in a house? I had made no plans and I needed one. Mark was trying to calm me, telling me it was okay, I was at a crossroads, but I was not okay.
I do feel I have a God-given talent. I just need to figure out exactly how to share it. My friend that I helped with her business that was not doing well that is now flourishing told me I should go into consulting like I did with her. I mean....I don't know. On one hand, I could say something about that, on the other hand, maybe I am not giving myself enough credit. She frustrated me. It was all things I researched, albeit days after days after weeks and longer - if she wanted to succeed, why was she lazy about it and not do the same? However, it fascinated me, one of my most favorite parts of the whole thing.
Guess I had better get to work - ta-ta!