This Will Be On Your Permanent Record

I wanted to mention one more thing, and it has been weighing heavily on my mind.

When my mother passed away, I did a background check on her husband as I did not know her cause of death.  With the company I wanted to use, I purchased a one month unlimited person search, and for some reason I still have the unlimited search function.

ANYWAY!  I do not think it is weird at all that I would do a background check on an ex boyfriend that I had filed charges against for domestic assault.  There were three charges and the district attorney wanted to prosecute one as a felony (adding the assault was with a deadly weapon, I think).

Like most battered women, I had called and told the district attorney I wanted to drop all of the charges.  He told me that he would not let me do that, but he would drop two and only prosecute one.  I said okay - I didn't plead with him or anything, I just said okay.  It was out of my hands and a part of me knew it was the wrong thing to do I am guessing.

This was over 20 years ago so that is why I am saying "I am guessing".

My ex-boyfriend told me at the time it was all a big joke.  He said he was taking court mandated anger management classes with guys all in his situation and they all just sat around and laughed about it.  That made ME feel like a joke.

When I ran his criminal background check, what I found confused me for days about what I was seeing.

On one hand, why did I see anything at ALL?  He had said he received deferred adjudication on one charge, like the district attorney told me.  He was to attend an anger management class, be on probation and then it would be off of his record.

Yet it was on his record.  Not once, but twice.  Misdemeanor Class A Assault with Bodily Injury.  I could not figure it out, and then it dawned on me finally.

When he told me that, he was being partially truthful.  He had been prosecuted for just one assault and received deferred adjudication.  Had he completed (I am guessing here) the terms, I would not have seen it, and he omitted the 80 hours of community service and that the probation was for 2 years.

So why was I was seeing it twice?  Because he had TWO convictions.  They were committed on the same day, yet the court dates were different.  The second court date was after Mark and I had started dating and I had stopped talking to him.  I have no idea why the prosecutor decided to pursue a second assault, but he did originally plan to prosecute three.

He actually pled GUILTY to the last one - he does not admit ANYTHING.  I wonder if it had something to do with the call I recorded with him admitting everything about that day that I turned over to the detective.  Not my idea - the detective told me exactly what to do and I just did it.  I will never forget his reaction as he listened to it.  He seemed so shocked.  He told me that was the first time he had ever heard someone admit their abuse.  I remember thinking he made it his mission to see that he would be punished.  He had so much passion about it.

I am not angry any more, just telling the story.  All of this time, I assumed he had a clear record and was really disappointed in myself that I didn't do more to help another woman who might come after me and get hurt or worse by him.  But I did do something, I did stand up for myself,  at least initially, and the district attorney helped me.

But what is going through my mind NOW is....almost screaming in my mind at the top of my lungs?  OMG he must be SO PISSED AT ME!   I mean seriously, like scarily pissed.  Like, yeah, it scares me but I realize that it is good that I just know NOW 20 years later.  He has known for 20 years and is probably like whatever about it.

I was surprised it was on his record 20 years later - a misdemeanor?  Then I found out it will be on his record for the rest of his life.  That makes me want to vomit, but at the same time - shouldn't it be?  If it happened to someone else, YES, I would absolutely want it to be and I would want to know that about someone.  BUT, because it happened to me....I don't know, screwing up someone else's life because of me, yet *I* did not cause that to happen, yet I did call the police, yet....I don't know.

Mark said it could very well effect his getting a job somewhere.  I don't know about any of that, a misdemeanor, but I guess places that do background checks.  Don't make me feel any worse.

This is so fucked up and it was too long ago.  I thought everything had all gone away, there was no record of anything happening.  Yet...there is also no record of anything violent happening since.

So was *I* the problem all along? ME?  Or did I prevent more violence?  Or is he more forceful about his wife not calling for help?  Geez.  I need to get this off of my freaking mind.

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