I don't WANT to make it until Monday. Yes, I WILL make it until Monday, but I don't WANT to. I want to stop right this instant. My life is a waste. I've accomplished nothing. It's been nothing but pain, I'm a failure at everything, I hate taking drugs every fucking day of my life, and really, what is the purpose? To take drugs to keep you alive? For what reason is my life serving, anyway, if I don't want to be here?
I don't want to go to work on Monday. I just want to cease to exist.
NO, I'm NOT going to commit suicide, that's stupid.
I'm simply asking God...can I please cease to exist? Just take away the memory that I was ever here and wipe away the few moments in the few lives that have known me?
It hurts me so much that I have to get up right now and go upstairs and go to bed by myself (or not by myself) just to go to sleep and face another day. Of this.
With no relief in sight.
Please don't send messages not to kill myself. I'm not GOING TO. This is my ONLY OUTLET.
I'm just going to take my Seroquel, go to bed, and cry myself to sleep. Just like in the old days of 2001.
I guess nothing ever changes, does it?