Last day of 2006 - and what have I been doing for the past few days?
Sleeping. I just took a bath, and I hadn't had once since Friday (today is Sunday), and hadn't washed my hair since Thursday. Yes, it was gross.
I came home on Friday (12/29) about 10:30 faking a bad headache because I was BORED beyond belief. I actually DID have a headache, just not that bad at all. I said I was going home to take my headache medicine, everyone said to take my time, and we'd be going home early. I never went back to work, and I never called. Yesterday, Saturday, someone called my cellphone, and today I just looked at the number to see who it was, and it was my boss (who was out of town on Friday). I haven't listened to the message yet.
I'm worried that I'm bored of work now. That I'll just sit and watch the clock, that I won't do well, that I'll hate my job, that I'll just stop going in until I get fired. What if I'm already fired? I couldn't be. I just made my boss a ton of money in December - his part was probably more than $20k. Would you fire someone who made you $20k in one month?
For the first time in many months, I took a bunch of Seroquel to just sleep yesterday, and slept most of the afternoon, all night, and woke up at about 8:30a today (Sunday). I only took 400mg this time, instead of 1000 or something unGodly like that when my normal dosage is 50. I have no idea why I did that, except I was bored and I was worried about work.
So what are we doing tonight for New Year's? Exactly what I want to do. We're cutting up cheese and sausage (ok, Mark is), we have ice cream, stuff like that, we're going to watch tv, and more than likely, we'll be asleep at midnight. The perfect New Year's Eve.
Yes, boring to most, but after so many years of shelling out $100/person, having a lavish meal, going to a party, I got SICK of being pressured to have this GREAT TIME to ring in the new year, basing my new year on the night. Because of my high expectations, the night was always a failure to me.
A few years ago, I was sick, the roads were icy, and I was on my way to the store at almost midnight for more cold/flu medicine, and I slid into a huge rock that a business had placed near their driveway. I really messed up my car, and try explaining that to your insurance company. "I was really sick on New Year's Eve and slid into a rock...I wasn't drinking, I was getting medicine...". You almost FEEL like you're lying, even when you're not.
I just want to be home, safe and sound, on New Year's Eve, and have wanted that for several years now.
I know what one of my New Year's goals for 2007 will be. I'll think of a few more and post them tomorrow...
Have a safe New Year's Eve!