I called him back at 10:30, no answer on his cell. I called his room at his hotel, no answer - I left a message. He didn't call me back all night.
This morning he called at 8:00a per usual and said he just passed out he was so drunk, that his friends had ordered shots and he had too much to drink. Well, lie #1, right? He already started out on a bad foot.
I told him this was NOT the relationship I wanted. I don't mean going out with his friends ONE TIME. I mean this being a habit - when he's in Illinois, going out drinking at bars 2 times a week or so.
I THOUGHT, until last night and today, that he was just going to dinner and having a few drinks with people from work. I didn't understand this was a "guy thing" at bars until today.
He told me I didn't understand - that was the culture he was in, and they made fun of those who didn't. He was not going to be the "outsider" again like he was growing up in school. What is he, back in high school?
No, this is not the relationship I want, where one of us goes to bars regularly. I won't tolerate it, and he won't budge. He said he'd have to quit his job, as if I'm going to be responsible for that. I'd rather leave than be the cause for him quitting his position.
I don't see a compromise, and I'm pretty pissed. How do I even know he's telling me the truth, and he's actually dating a girl in Illinois? I DON'T know that. Even if he's not, I *know* what guys do at bars when they hang out and drink, and told him I wasn't an idiot. I told him they google at girls, and he said that didn't mean he did. Well did he just lie again? I thought he said he was trying to "fit in with the guys"?
He even goes so far as saying he doesn't WANT to go, he HAS to go, and don't I know he'd rather be in his hotel room playing World of Warcraft? No, I don't know that.
He said we haven't had a fight since we got married (October), so "why am I doing this?" but I don't consider this a "fight". I'm not yelling, I'm just incredibly disappointed and have told him this isn't the kind of relationship I want. Isn't that fair? To be honest? It's not like it's the FIRST TIME I've told him this. He's known this all along - that I don't like it when couples in relationships go to bars (w/o each other). All it does is invite trouble. And 2-3 times A WEEK?
Yes, I'm being very cold to him because I don't know what to do, what to say to him, how to act. He thinks I'm "punishing" him, but how? I'm not seeking retribution - if I were, I'd call up my friends and we'd start going out.
He's coming home tonight (Friday), but he's leaving again Monday after work, so I won't see him after Sunday night. Off he goes again to Illinois to drink with the guys, date his new g/f, or do whatever God knows he's doing there that I don't approve.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable. We just got married....doesn't that mean anything anymore?