I'm more focused now - working harder at work. Still not working as long as I should - it's hard for me to stay disciplined working from home. I was really overwhelmed for awhile, and I prayed to God to help me, thinking I would get fired from my job as His answer to my prayer, forcing me to find a job outside of the house. I thought I deserved it. Instead, my boss got me help for my work, I'm able to focus and work longer (probably because of the Abilify), and I think it's all divine intervention. I mean, it happened all at the same time! I've always believed in the power of prayer, but I forget about it until I don't know where to turn. I DO thank God for good things in my life, but I should go to church, etc.
That doesn't mean I don't still worry about my job. I'm *still* overwhelmed, I just have too many jobs that need to be filled, and it's impossible for me to find candidates for all of them. My Manager doesn't seem to get mad at me? Instead, she's hired a new recruiter to help starting in July!
Mark seems....really disappointed in me or something. I guess I did spend the whole weekend, except when we went to dinner Friday night, playing World of Warcraft, and I probably ignored him the whole time. He played it too, all weekend, trying to earn as much "honor" as he could, but he did things such as going to the hardware store and fixing an appliance, reminding me it was time to eat, taking out the trash, etc. I just now took out the trash because I feel so bad - I just realized what I did all weekend. This morning, I got up and took a bath right when he was done exercising, and he had to go to the other bathroom, and found I'd used all the hot water. Like I did it on purpose! I took a quick bath, and thought he had just STARTED running! But he was unhappy with me when he left nevertheless.
I wonder if it's actually my appearance he's not happy with instead. I feel so fat, my hair is incredibly LONG and I always have it up in a clip - with a very slender gray streak in the front. I SO need to get it highlighted! I don't wear my contacts - I only have one! And my bridge fell out, but I don't think you can tell. I do get dressed up on Friday nights to go out, but other than that, that's it.
One thing I KNOW he's unhappy with is...the amount of...."action" he gets. He said he refuses to make an advance towards me now because he's tired of getting rejected, and he really meant it. I think if we did "that", he would be happy with me again. Why are guys like that? Why would something like that turn the relationship around? He says it's because he feels loved, and doesn't feel loved or attractive when I reject him. It's always at bad times, though, but to be honest, I don't know when a good time would be. I can think of one good time, but he was sound asleep, and I didn't want to wake him up.
My online friend quit my guild, and he's "applied" to another one. Once you hit the top level and want to get into more exclusive guilds, you have to start "applying". It's really ridiculous. I applied to the same one he did, but haven't left my guild, and they wanted to know things like my name, age, what I do for a living, all about my character, of course, and so much more. It said that IF they were interested, they would contact me. It's all about the "spec" and the "gear", and you can actually see it on WoW's online site about my character. Then, I would have to "try out". I thought...are you freaking KIDDING ME? *I* have to try out for *them*? Because of the role I play in the game, that's the reason once I'm on, it's hard to stop. People keep asking me to run "instances" with their groups because there's a shortage of what I do. They should be so lucky if I joined! But I applied anyway. I don't know what I'll do if they contact me. Should I follow my online friend (if HE gets accepted, but he knows someone there), or should we just stay friends and in different guilds?
I guess I'd better get back to work. That's the last thing I'd like to do right now, but the only thing I should be doing.