I got my nutrisystem food in the mail tonight, and think I will start the day after Christmas. I don't want to start just to fail by Christmas dinner that I make for Mark and I, and having Christmas Eve dinner at his family's house. It seems like a waste and I want to see results as soon as I start, not defeat. I'm excited to begin, but I'm also trying to make sure I don't ruin my motivation right now.
I've been playing World of Warcraft a lot, but not as much lately. It's gotten boring. I don't understand the point, but it's something to do.
My mood? Pretty flat-lined. I get depressed (maybe sad is a better word) easily, but it doesn't last. Not even a whole day.
I'm trying to shower every day, but it's more like every other day. That needs to change. By reading my nutrisystem guide, I need to make myself and taking care of myself a priority, and I would assume that would be bathing daily (lol).
My eyes since Lasik have had mixed results. My right eye is great - my left eye, not so much, but I've been warned about my left eye. Don't get me wrong - MAJOR HUGE IMPROVEMENT - I can see without glasses/contacts in both eyes, it's just a comparison between the two. My left eye was very high in astigmatism and needed a lot more correction, so they said it would be slower to heal. At times, I feel like I want to take out my contacts and put on my glasses because it feels like I'm wearing one contact in my right eye only. Obviously, I'm not wearing contacts. The surgery was more invasive and freakier than I could ever have imagined, but if my left eye stays like this, I can't just let it go, it has to be fixed. I can't see myself getting used to this. I wonder if that will require another surgery. If so, then that's what I'll have to have done. Whatever will give me perfect vision is what I need to do, I shouldn't procrastinate on this or let it go like other things in my life.
My mood is up and down, I never know what I am, actually. The holidays aren't especially depressing for me, maybe because Mark and I are barely celebrating them. I'm not much in the holiday spirit, and don't need to be. I think right now that may be the healthy route to go. Holidays are so stressful, Christmas is the kicker for me. This is probably what I need right now.
If I would just lose weight, I would feel more confident about myself, but I need to be certain of one thing - it won't solve all my problems. I have a workbook from nutrisystem that seems pretty good that I'll work on weekly as suggested. The first thing is to list why you want to lose weight, and to keep reflecting back on that for motivation. All the "possible" reasons they listed pretty much applied to me, but I only have 4 spaces to write something in. I get winded climbing up stairs, I want to look decent (good would be stellar) in a bathing suit this summer, I want to wear cute clothes, get my self confidence back (BIG ONE), like shopping for clothes again, so many reasons. They talk about easing into increased activity, thank God. In Day 1, if they wanted me on this stressful physical regime, I wouldn't be so excited to start.
Mark has been supportive about nutrisystem without saying I'm fat. Just like "if this is something you want to do, ok, but I want you to follow through and not quit." I do that quite often - try something for a bit then bail, and be obligated to paying membership fees or whatever.
The WalGreens pharmacy SCREWED ME! And they won't take responsibility! I take 60 100mg of Zonegran a month, and I didn't notice it, but they gave me a smaller bottle for this refill. Halfway through the prescription, I was out and couldn't understand it until I saw the size of the bottle. I don't stop and count the number of pills every time I get a refill, but know people who do. It just seems too obsessive compulsive to me, but maybe this has happened to me. The pills obviously couldn't have fit into the bottle, I called the pharmacy, explained the situation, and was told a "fill in" pharmacist was there tonight, I would have to speak with the pharmacist tomorrow to lodge a complaint. WHAT THE HELL ABOUT TONIGHT? I said "so go without my medication tonight?", and he said "I'm not telling you to do that, just to talk to the pharmacist tomorrow since we have a 'fill-in' for tonight" to complain. My insurance won't cover another Zonegran prescription until Friday (which I'm assuming is tomorrow), but why should they pay for it when WALGREENS SCREWED UP! I have old bottles showing much larger bottles from the past for this prescription, and the small one they gave me this time. Why in the world why I abuse Zonegran? It has no immediate benefits that I am aware of or have tried. I've never gone a night without it, so we'll see what happens. I may need to switch pharmacies. I was FURIOUS earlier, so mad I could hardly think or do anything. I had to take a couple of klonipin - it had me in a paralytic state, not able to think about anything else, and just sitting on the kitchen floor. My husband was scouring the house for old medication bottles hoping to find one with a few in it, but no luck. I would gladly pay for a prescription tonight and get a refund tomorrow, but don't even know if that's an option. I'm sure Zonegran is quite pricey, but I guess I can see what happens if I skip a dose and how I feel tomorrow. Hope I'm not puking my guts out or so dizzy I can't get out of bed.
I really hope NutriSystem works. It's not my "last hope", but a hope nonetheless. Last time I lost about 50 pounds with the help of phentermine. I'm not using any drugs this time, and need to lose 38. That was a big factor of gaining weight - stopping phentermine, maybe? And Mark's eating out through drive-thru's constantly, with me getting my meals that way. No more for that. I'll still go with him though, and we'll still have dinner together on Fridays. I'll just make better choices.
I'm glad Obama won! If anything, it brings hope to me that things will change for that better, and you can't buy "hope".