Sunday, March 14, 2010

Panic Attack at the Car Dealership

After quitting Seroquel, it seems the "miracle losing of weight has stopped", but at least I've stopped gaining. I'm stuck at 183. I was hoping to lose 20 pounds by the time the second quarter of school began (April 4) but that seems impossible now. I guess I'll have to actually work at it like a normal person from now on, that stinks! : ) I think I'll try to start running again, the 0-5k in 12 weeks (12 weeks, does that sound right? that's a whole quarter of school!) seems like a good plan now.

I had a major panic attack on Friday. Mark bought a Range Rover (in addition to his Porsche) and I took him to pick it up. While we were waiting for Mark to give the salesman the money, I started freaking out and had no medication. I finally told Mark I was having a panic attack and his first question is always "why?". Well if I knew why, I might not be having a panic attack! I haven't had one in a long time, and it was so severe that I finally just left Mark there, he said he had a way home, and took some klonipin when I got home. When I went to bed that night, I took more klonipin and an extra Geoden. I suppose quitting Seroquel and cutting back on my klonipin use is opening me up to panic attacks, but who knows, I may have had one anyway.

Today is the first day of Daylight Savings Time, and I'm up at 5:46am. I was thinking it was 6:46 am in actuality, but we sprung forward, so really it would have been 4:46, right? Maybe I should try weighing myself again in a couple of hours. : ) It really does help sometimes! This might be good, hopefully, if I don't take a nap, I will be sleepy at the right time tonight.

I go to school with a cast of characters. We all have the same 5 classes at the same time every day. There is one lady that gets on my nerves more that any one in the class. I don't know what to call her to Mark when I'm talking about her, I should just call her by her NAME, but I'm terrible about names. She is probably one of the ugliest women I've ever seen, which I feel horrible about saying, but she is! She's a know it all, and she's always telling people everything she knows all the time, it's so annoying! Maybe it's because she's the oldest as far as I know, but she pretends to be around my age, and it just makes me furious. I think it's because it's like, you look like THAT and you think you're MY AGE? How could I be like YOU? She's insulting, and her daughter who is 21 I think goes to school with her. I would have had to have a child at 19 to have a daughter that age, and I think her daughter said she has an OLDER SISTER. If she signed up for the military when she was 17, how could that be possible. Her driver's license was on the desk next to mine one day to check out a machine and I wanted so bad to look at it but I didn't, I wouldn't want anyone to look at mine, but Mark said he would have done it. I know I sound so mean, but you would just have to go to school with her every day, she is annoying as hell! It's not just her looks, it's her personality!

I have an A in all my classes, but I don't feel so special, I think several people in my classes do too. I work really hard at it though, but an A is an A no matter how hard you work at it.

That's about it, I hope panic attacks don't become a regular thing now. Oh! And there's only 8 more school days left of this quarter! Yay!
Monday, March 01, 2010

Addicted Again, but not to WoW

Since I stopped Seroquel (Jan 30th according to my blog) and since starting school (Jan 4th), I've lost 13.5 pounds, miraculously. I eat terribly, but what I don't do anymore without Seroquel is binge eat. I'm a lot less hungry, I don't take my medicine and then eat everything in the house, I think both have made a big difference. Going from a true sedentary lifestyle to going to school, and no Seroquel. But surely the school thing has caught up with me by now?

I got my mid term (mid quarter) grades, and I have A's in every class! I only have 4 weeks left to the end of the quarter, so hopefully I can keep it up. The only thing is, I'm not a fast "writer" (they make a big deal about not calling it TYPING at court reporting school). They stress that speed is not important right now, but how can I feel it is not? It's how I gauge how well I'm "getting it" compared to other students. Mark says not to worry, once I "get something" I REALLY "get it", but I usually struggle until I do. Yeah, what if I struggle until the end? I KNOW I have an A in the class, that's not the point. The point is how well I WRITE.

On the weekends, I have a Facebook addiction. What am I supposed to do? I gave up World of Warcraft, I don't have school and homework, I'm used to being on the computer. I REALLY want to play WoW though, it's been over 2 months now. But I don't want to screw up school, and it just might. I have old World of Warcraft friends as Facebook friends begging me to come back which doesn't help. But I also have an old WoW friend that quit way before I did that only went back for a few weeks when the expansion pack came out that's an inspiration to me. So what to do about Facebook, I don't know. I guess just get off the darned thing. It's not like I haven't broken a computer habit before now.

But during the week, school is all I can handle. I go to school for 5 hours, then have 2-3 or more hours of homework ahead of me. It's pretty intense. I don't know how people with jobs can do it. It's only March 1st and already 2 people have dropped (well, got kicked out because of attendance) out of our little class of about 12-15.

Other than that, no bipolar symptoms unless you count addiction to facebook which followed my addiction to World of Warcraft. I just need to find something to DO!

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