Since I quit Seroquel, I don't have a sweet tooth anymore. I've had one my whole life, now after taking Seroquel for 9 years and stopping, it's completely gone away. I used to crave sweets on a weekly basis, now I don't even want them. I've never had a taste for salty foods, so...I don't really crave anything except the odd item once in awhile. It feels like freedom from sugar! I've never had that before now.
I am cutting back on the Geodon. I started a few nights ago by opening the capsule and scraping off the packed part of the powder that was left on top of the halved capsule, which is quite a bit. I'm not sure if it's half of the pill, but it's a substantial amount. I haven't noticed any difference in my mood, sleeping, anything whatsoever. But...a long term effect is yet to be seen, I'll keep doing this for about a week and then maybe taking more away from the capsule or just skipping it and see what happens. I REALLY want off of these weight gainers I'm taking, and I guess it's the anti-psychotics.
I've always heard that bipolars stop taking their medication when they feel good, and that's when they get sick. Yes, I feel good, people comment about how much I laugh and that they like my laugh, I do feel generally happy, but not overly so, and I feel good most of the time. Good, what does that really feel like? Maybe I feel "okay" most of the time, that's probably more aligned with how I feel. I'm not stopping any medication because I don't think I need it - I DO NEED MY MEDICATION, but I've *got* to stop eating when I don't need to! Maybe once a week (instead of almost nightly on Seroquel) when I take my Geoden, it will make me hungry and I'll eat something right before bed. I know when I take 2 Geoden at night instead of 1 that I'm STARVING the next day, so what is it doing to my appetite in general? Wouldn't I be that much less hungry without Geoden? I'm not convinced I need it. I think I need my Lamictal, Zonegran, and always that klonipin crutch for my anxiety/panic attacks.
Since I stopped taking Seroquel I hadn't been sleeping very well, so I started taking 1 Unisom every night, and it seems like that does the trick. Unisom doesn't do anything to stop the incessant chatter in my head that I'm aware of, so I don't quite understand WHY it works. I don't really care though, it works, so I'm taking it. And it's not a prescription, so no need to worry about getting refills from my doctor. There seems to be no side effects either except for not wanting to wake up in the morning, but who does?
I was watching the American Idol finale and one of my favorite contestants, Casey James started singing Every Rose has Its Thorn, and who do you think came on the stage but BRET MICHAELS!!! It was amazing, I was so happy! They did an awesome job together, and I keep playing the song over and over again on youtube, I just can't seem to watch it enough. Seeing Bret smile makes me smile inside for some reason. I just think he's a genuinely good person and admire him for what he's been through. I don't know what my fascination with him is exactly, I still haven't put my finger on it, but there's a level of....compassion there that I don't understand. Other celebrities get sick and get better and I don't feel this way, so concerned, so emotionally involved, I don't quite "get it". What IS IT exactly?
School is going well, getting good grades, getting along with everyone (ignoring Know It All Girl but acknowledging her if she talks to me), and just wishing everything would stay as PEACEFUL as it is right this moment. Why can't things stay peaceful? I know it won't last, it never does.