His brother is about 44 or so, and his logic is beyond me, I've never met someone like him before, and in the real world, I would stay as far away from him as I possibly could. He would repel me, disgust me, but for a brother in law, he's ok. He means well in a family type way.
He is over educated, yet he lives with his parents and has no intention of getting a career or moving out. He has no ambition. I really don't care about that, if his parents enable him to live there, that's their choice, they're not doing him any favors in the long run by not insisting he be self sufficient.
But it's how he treats women that really bothers me, and he knows it. Mark says his brother likes the "shock factor" he can give me, but at the same time, he admits that's how his brother is. For instance, before he will take a girl out on a date (yes, grown women with careers and even children actually date him), he will ask them sexual questions, in particular, oral sex. I told him if he had approached me in that way, I would have slapped him, felt insulted, and that he was wrong in his approach towards women. But somehow, this all works for him. Maybe it's true, girls like the "bad boys". He told me when he was a dental assistant many years ago, he would have sex with the patients, and they would do nitrous oxide (or whatever you call it) in the office on a sleeping bag, and the dentist was having an affair. Mark was sitting right there when he whispered loudly to me about it. I just sat there with my mouth open, thinking about a dentist's office being that way. Later Mark said "but he didn't tell you the end of the story, did he?", although I knew it ended badly. He was convicted of a misdemeanor when a patient said he took advantage of her while she was under the influence and he was fired. I knew that part of the story, but always thought there was a margin where he could have been wrongfully accused. Now I know he wasn't. He got off easy in my opinion. I just make sure that none of my signals could possibly be misread by him, and that we're never alone together. But he's a nice guy as far as family is concerned, he just happens to be a jerk.
I heard this song today, and I keep hearing songs or listening to messages from pastors about how God gives us grace, and we should do the same for others. You know, forgive them no matter what they've done. The first person that always pops into my mind is my mother who I cut out of my life years ago, at a counselor's prompting. I told Mark about what I was thinking, and he said there's a big difference between forgiving someone and contacting them. I could forgive her, but that doesn't mean I should try and have a relationship with her. (Of course, emphasis on *try*) She makes me crazy mad like no one else, but of course it's because I don't think I've ever forgiven her. My current therapist called her a narcissist. But people I talk to only know her through me - what I've chosen to tell them, they don't actually know HER, and I know her side of the story is quite different than mine. But to get involved with her again, that could jeopardize my entire emotional stability. Or at least I think it would. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with what she could say that would hurt me. What would I expect or what would I want to come from trying to contact her? I'll never have a normal mother daughter relationship with her, maybe it's best I leave it alone. Yet, the thought of what I should do, what Jesus would do, keeps gnawing away at me.
I watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the cartoon version) and had to turn the channel after about 15 minutes of it. It took me back to when I was a child watching it, what was going on in my life, and it was just too painful. Why on earth would I want to remember that? I thought the memories would be happy - Christmas as a kid is so magical, I wanted the Christmas spirit and thought that would be a good way to get it. Instead it just depressed me for a little while. But it made me glad to be where I am today and I felt lucky not to be in a similar situation.
I got everything I wanted for Christmas - a Kindle and a diamond cross necklace. Mark really seemed to like all of his gifts that I gave him (that he picked out himself and sent me links to order them haha!).
I'm still taking extra Geoden, even though I think I don't need it. Without it, now I can't fall asleep at night. But with it, I'm so much hungrier during the day. I don't plan on going back to the psychiatrist for a prescription for more Geoden, so once the samples are out, I'll be back on my old dosage again and be forced to stay awake until I fall asleep.
Mark took vacation for most of the time I'm out of school to spend it with me, so we're together a LOT. It works - it keeps me from getting lonely during the day by myself. School will start up too soon after the new year anyway.