My highly mentally unstable friend is so over the edge that I don't even know what to do. He spends all day taking pictures of things that don't make sense and posting them on facebook, and updating his facebook status with bizarre things every 30 minutes or more all day long. I can't even begin to figure out his train of thought, it's so detached and it's not logical, but I know it makes sense to him. He told me when we went to school together that he couldn't afford insurance, which I think is crazy. Anyone who knows me knows that I consider health insurance priority #1, go without a cellphone if you have to, a car, whatever it takes, just to get the bare minimum. Eat ramen noodles everyday, but don't go without health insurance. The thing is, I'm helpless. If I call the police, I don't think they could involuntarily admit him to the mental ward. He's not in danger to himself or others that I have seen. But I know he will be. My fellow students that know him and we were all friends together are afraid he's going to come to school with a gun and shoot us all. We've all discussed it, what we will do if we see him on campus, that sort of thing. The security guards have been alerted and have a picture of him. We're THAT scared of him. Being mentally ill myself, my main concern for him is the inevitable crash. Sure he's out taking pictures, socializing with facebook, reaching out to people right now, but what happens when he goes inward? At least right now we know what he's thinking (sort of), what will happen when he suddenly stops? That's why I want to get him help now, yet at the same time, I'm afraid of my own safety to even contact him again.
It seems like I'm getting really close to passing my second 100 speed test and moving on to the 120 speed class. I'm already friends with most of that class, so hopefully it won't be too traumatic to go to a new speed where I can't read anything back because it's too fast. I should probably be practicing more, but it seems like lately when I practice more, I do worse.
I had a somewhat panic attack at church on Easter. I had to take my klonipin that I'd had in my purse for about a year for just such an occasion. What a strange place to have a sort of panic attack - at church, where you're supposed to feel the most peace. I was on my period though, that could have had something to do with it. Anxiety has been a real issue this week. I actually took 2 Seroquel last night which I haven't taken in months (since the last overwhelming lingering anxiety that I couldn't shake) and that seemed to have done the trick. It seems like every once in awhile the anxiety builds and builds until I have to take
Seroquel, then I'm okay for a few months, then it creeps up on me again, thus the vicious cycle starts all over again. I wonder why that happens.
My dog is on an antihistimine with steroids for whatever allergy he has. He has FINALLY stopped itching, but the vet told me this was only a temporary fix, he could not stay on this medication long term because of the steroids. So, when the medication ends, if he starts itching again, and he's itched deep scratches that still hasn't healed into his belly, the vet wants to do an allergy test on him, the same kind of allergy test they give to people, to find out what he's allergic to. Then he'll need allergy shots, just like a person. All of a sudden I feel like I've already talked about this in a previous entry, so I'll stop at that.
I think the reason my mentally ill friend bothers me so much is because I wonder if that could be me one day. Did he go off his meds and lose it? And in the process lost everything that was important to him - his son, his wife, his job, and he quit school? I've never been ill like he is - I get depressed, I'm more of a harm to myself than anything, I don't get delusional except for how I feel about myself. But who knows what the future brings? I've been on multiple medications for 10 years now, what would happen if they were suddenly taken away from me? Who would I be? *What* would I be? Maybe I'd be fine. Or maybe I'd be just like him.